Day 40 of 40. Let's hope this isn't like a youth retreat

Well this is the last post of the forty days of prayer and fasting. That doesn't mean it's the last post, just that I won't be posting every day. It will be when things come to mind or to answer questions people have. I already have had one person reach out to clarify some topics, so I will likely do a Q+A post bringing those questions up, as they may not be the only ones.

Still, while I can say it's been a good, growing time doing this, I can't help but be worried I will fizzle as I have done so often. Whether it's the first iterations of doing this site or different events I have been to, being around the "spiritual high" is awesome, but often I make commitments that I don't stick to. It's extremely easy to promise God complete devotion when you feel His presence surrounding you. But it's when you feel like God may not be there at that second, that the true test of faith happens. Really, that's where my shortcoming has been these past five years. Going through crippling struggles, I felt unanswered by God, so I stopped seeking Him entirely.

Will it happen this time? I cannot say. I hope that's not the case. And now, I have been more open about it, allowing more to hold me accountable. I know I will have peaks and valleys still. I just hope the valleys are short and not quite as deep.

I thank everyone who has put up with my ramblings for forty days. I think each post has at least 5 unique readers. The one from Bell's #LetsTalk has over 30! While not numbers I can make blogging my day job yet, it is good to know that perhaps someone's life was changed enough to make a difference. Most of my traffic still comes from my typed out songs. So there is still a chance I can get more to read these over time. I just hope that I use the desire to become "popular" online to glorify God and not for personal pride.

Anyways, you will likely hear me being more open about depression, suicide, God and everything I've talked about this past month and change. I won't apologize for that. In fact, I hope others come around me, especially when it comes to mental health and awareness.