While a catchy title (I hope) I feel the need to explain. I am not going to be talking about desensitizing the act of suicide. Rather, I hope to chip away at the awkwardness around talking about it. Because the reason why we want to end the stigma around mental health, is because of tragedy that it often leads to, when unchecked. Of course, then you run the risk where it becomes such a common thing to talk about, it enters people's minds more. Which may be true. Still, I think in the long run, being open about our greatest fears will save many more. Then hiding it away.
There are so many ideas on depression and suicide I want to get out. And so I will likely end up repeated many in different posts on different subjects. But one that I really want to hammer home is the idea of a person with depression, "holding on" to "make it through." Stop saying that! What do you think they are doing? You trivialize their efforts when you tell them to put effort into it. They've been fighting, tooth and nail to simply survive and you are ignoring their efforts. They want to "move on," they want to "look at the good things in life," they want it far more than you do. Imagine, for a second, if you're life was simply holding on. That the only purpose of your life was making it to the next day just for its own sake. No joy, happiness or even contentment. Hang from a cliff for no reason then to keep hanging tomorrow. It's a thought that makes you think, there's point, I should let go. And that's what suicide is. Feeling that holding on like they've been doing for years, is only going to mean they get to hold on for years more. Aching and tired. No chance of being lifted back off the ledge. So they let go.
But because it's uncomfortable for them to confide in you, you offer generic sentiment. I use sentiment, but it's mostly crap. So many who commit suicide do so because they're told to hold on. They realize no one in their life cares enough to actually help. It's a sad thing to think about.
If you truly care, don't come in with all the answers. Because what you have to offer has been offered a thousand times before. Do something different and just let them know you're there. For whatever uncomfortable thing they need to lay on you. Let them talk, ramble, be silent fidget. Let them know you see they are trying, that they're holding on. That you want to help them up, off that ledge. That you don't know how to reach them, but you're still going to try. That you won't come in with all the answers, that you're there to listen for how best you can help.
So many times, after a suicide, people say they wish they would have known. But if you make depression and even suicide, something you can talk about, you can find those around you who are struggling. Because you are open with talking to them about it. You are willing to listen to those who struggle. It's very possible.
You could save a life, by doing so.
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