So I was at a loss all day for what to write. An idea would spring that I had been pondering for a while, but I would forget before I could jot it down. It's so weird when it comes, you know you've thought on it a while, but then it goes away, before you can commit to it. I like to think it's God's way of making sure I do the right topic today. But it's likely poor day planning and wrong priorities.
Still, here I am with something I think is pretty spot on.
There's something in my small group journal that I wrote a couple months ago and have been dwelling on. It actually deals with a bit of what I talk about here. I felt as if God was telling me that I need to stop looking for a job and then fit ministry around the job I get. Rather, I feel as if I need to find the ministry He's calling for me, and the job (or provision) will come with or after that. Not that the ministry will be full time or provide compensation (though, perhaps it will) but rather that my priorities need to be shifted, backwards from normal life planning. I've even have had friends and family tell me recently that I really should plan my life better. Get training. Get a good job. All the "normal" and "smart" things to do. Indeed, diligently working and providing yourself are definitely things you should be doing! But sometimes God asks us to do foolish things. The Bible is full of things that don't make much sense. But as Solomon says, the foolishness of God is wiser than the wisdom of the world.
But while I felt God leading me this way, it's still a scary thing. But just tonight, long after I really should have posted, someone gave me a word about walking out on to thin ice. Even though there was a warning sign and others have fallen through. I need to stop analyzing and doing the "smart" thing and just go. It's a relieving feeling when someone gets an idea that resonates so clearly with something you've been contemplating if you heard correctly.
Of course, now I have to wrestle with how to go about doing this. Waiting for God doesn't mean sitting on my computer, slamming out 1000 words a day and then saying I have done all I need to. Nor is it grabbing the first ministry that will take me saying that this is God's plan. God wants us to be diligent with what He's given us. But I find that more than anything else, being diligent with your time in a season of waiting seems to be the hardest of all. I have a tendency to extremes. Sitting on my thumbs, flying spaceships on my computer. Or running around every lead and opportunity, stringing it out to the very end, to see if it's the one. Over committing and taxing myself into another failure that leaves me frustrated and jaded.
It's nice to know that God hasn't forgotten what He told me months ago. It's nice to know that even though I have failed a few days in reaching for the Bible before my phone, He's still caring about the plans for me. It's exciting to feel as the day is drawing closer to the one where the next chapter of my life begins.
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