So this is the second day I am putting off a topic I know I will get to, for one that sort of presented itself today. When we were at Boston Pizza, Benny pointed out on the TV behind me was talking about the kids who died at the US border from the migrant caravan. Now, I will not get political, but I will say it. It wasn't the border's refusal that killed these children, it was the 1500 journey to the border. These children died in a holding hospital. Had they been allowed in, they would likely have died in an ER in the States. Or even a crowded basement, with others who slip into the states every year. And while many people will ignore that fact, to further use the tragic situation for their political message, anyone who can openly think this through will see that.
The same can be said about teenaged depression. So often teens are told to just "deal with it." That their problems will only get a lot harder after high school. And while that may be true, it doesn't matter if they never get there. Teen suicide rates are at an all time high. And it's heart breaking. And honestly, many are preventable.
Yes, life gets harder after high school. But we also have more connections, associates, skills, knowledge and so much more to deal with it. Adult me may have two children to bring with me, but it's a lot easier for me now to get to Edmonton, than for teenage me to even get to Brandon. I have a car for starters. And I would rather spend 15 hours in it than 5 hours walking. Especially in the winter. Kids and all. And while basic, it's a fitting example of the differences between teen and adult issues. A human hasn't even fully developed until a person is 25. So even with the exact same resources, and adult can better handle the same situation.
Of course people will then try to deflect. If walking is so hard for you, exercise, get in better shape. And I say this. Yes! Exactly! But how do you do that mentally? How does one get in better "mental" shape? Because you are ignoring these teens who are searching for that help. I did not want to be where I was, when I was (and am) going through it. But telling someone to do something, they don't know how, is worse than just being silent. I know diet and exercise helps my physical health. (and mental, mind you) But what can I do on the days I can't get out of bed because of depression? What can I do when I am suddenly having a panic attack when out shopping?
There are things kids can do. A big one is less screen time. Getting rid of smart phones. I once read an article (can't find it quickly, as it was at least a couple years back) that after two weeks without electronics not only were participants almost completely off anti-depressants, but many were also off blood pressure and other medications. It's no secret that our "connected" world has grossly impacted our physical health. But telling a teen to get off their phone, isn't going to do much. Not because they don't want to, but because most parents don't engage their children anymore. In my day, when a sports team had 22 kids signed up, they had 22 volunteers for coaching. Now u8 soccer needs to hire coaches, because no parents are willing. We sat and ate together, went to the park and even sat on Friday night and watched TV. It bothers me to no end when parents or people who work with kids say lines like "the kids always talk about this show, but I couldn't tell you what it's about." First on a safety issue, you let your kids watch things without knowing if it's good? Second, do you really care so little that you don't take minimal time to contribute to something your children enjoy? When my kids and I go to the park, it's often not very long before I am the coolest parent on the playground. Because rather than sitting on the bench, openly exuding the fact I am bored and don't wanna be there, I am on the park being the troll asking riddles. Or am Snorlax, sitting doing nothing and snoring loudly here and there. Many kids will say "my dad never does this with me!" And it's so saddening. Yes Pokemon is easy, because I enjoyed it as a kid. But I also know Glitter Force. And I can tell you with absolute certainty that show annoys me to no end. But I still know enough to make comments on it for my kids sake.
As they get to be teens, it will be harder. As interests become more diverse and in depth, it will be harder to keep up. But instead of knowing basic things, perhaps I will switch to asking them to teach me. Let them teach mom and dad something for once! Trust me, if you don't know a thing about Pokemon, the next time a kid asks you your favorite, ask them what Pokemon is like a certain animal. Or if there's one that can shoot lasers or leaves. You will brighten their day and engage them where they are at.
Back to depression. Yes, getting your teen off of electronics can help. But it will take more than just taking them away. Engaging them won't be easy, but it could be life saving. Adulthood may be hard, but if you teach them now that you're there for them, no questions asked, it may become manageable. If they're walking, because they don't have a car, find ways how you can give them a ride. There are so many analogies with mental health, because we don't always know the exacts. It's a hard subject. And you won't always get it right. But if you try, it really shows. Sometimes it's exhausting, but it can be life saving.
Don't force the journey. If they're slow, then go at their pace. Let them know it's ok to stop and rest. A 1500 mile walk is not only massive, it can be dangerous. Recognize the dangerous journeys these teens are going through. And if you can't, ask them. So many are sitting, waiting on the verge of a breakdown, wishing someone cared. Be that someone.
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