Day 1 of 40. What am I doing now? What's the plan?

Well here's my first post in almost nine years. Thanks for checking it out. If you find sentences jumbled or hard to read, I do apologize. As an adult I have come to learn I have Dysgraphia. In short, the struggle sorting and expressing thoughts. Additionally, I sometimes have a mind that moves faster than fingers. (And am no typing turtle at 58 WPM!) So suddenly I jump halfway through one sentence and am three sentences ahead. Which you obviously can't understand because all you see is two sentence fragments smashed together.

Points to Ponder started in 2008 and was me typing out sermons to different questions raised by people I met online. Through gaming or various social media. I got connected with a Christian blogging group and even had a few followers. People enjoyed what I was writing, especially at a young age. I was happy I was reaching people, until I started reading what these people believed themselves. It was mostly the modern age, spirituality, that some label as Christian. And not the saved-by-grace that truly makes ones a follower of Christ. So Point to Ponder went defunct in 2009. My pulling down most of my posts and letting it sit.

I first opened Computer Desk Mission on April 1, 2010. I had been helping my dad with his church at the time, and was frustrated that I could not find the lyrics of a lot of older songs we sang at church. Fortunately, we had binders full of these songs printed at my parent's house. Unfortunately, I couldn't just copy and paste them to the free, church projector program I was using. So I decided if I was going to type out these songs, I would put them on an my old blog, change the name and perhaps the focus. Of course typing out over 700 pages of songs can be draining and it wasn't long after that I sort of let Computer Desk Mission sit as well.

Over the years, I have thought about starting different online outreaches. Because we live in a world where a lot of people are like me. Their life lives out more online than in person. I started Web Wide Church, but couldn't fundraise enough with the few hopefuls I had hoping for it. Because in my time of fighting ogres, slaying goblins and flying spaceships, I noticed a lot of strangers I was playing with were fighting and searching for a reason. But they didn't have anyone outside of me. I talked people out of suicides, abortions, through rapes, bullying and miscarriages. People who desperately needed a home church, but like me their anxiety kept them home. I still think that I may do something along those lines. In fact I am quite sure I will be helping in a men's spiritual and mental health ministry of sorts sooner than later. But reaching people online who struggle with depression and anxiety is something I think I will be used to do as well. Whether it through a site/app/forum/whatever or simply just paying attention to what people are typing out when we're driving hordes of generic monsters away from a generic village in a generic online game.

I have been attending Anchor Point Church for close to nine months now. Though there are stretches were I make excuses to not drive into Winnipeg on a Sunday. And they have started a forty days of prayer and fasting. This isn't new to me. I think this is the fourth church I have attended that has done something like this. Often times every day of January or starting during the month. And never before have I partaken of it. Because I have honestly never fasted for the sake of prayer or fasting before. I have tried, mind you, but have never been able to make a whole day. Thirty hour famine? Easy. Two days before a medical appointment? No problem. Kids gone to their mom's? I might eat twice every three days. But when I purpose to make it a time of fasting and prayer I can't. I crash, pass out, collapse, get sick. Whatever. I'll make it hours into it and give up. That's ok right? After all, if I add prayer I'm getting the real benefit anyways, aren't I?

This year I was challenged with the word "resolve." And in my few paragraphs of rambling, I've already mentioned two areas I have failed with in resolve. Fasting and using this site as a ministry. Fasting is something I will do. One day at first, then will see. Perhaps I will do a second, perhaps I will do more later on in the forty days. I don't know. I had eaten part of my kid's leftover corn dog in the morning, so decided to start my fast with the new Jewish day. (I used 6pm) So 6pm tomorrow will be one day. In Matthew 6, we are told not to let others know you are fasting. To go about your day as normal. And while this may contradict what I am doing, I do what I do with a purpose. The hypocrite in the passage wanted favor for his fast. I wanted accountability. I rather get fleeting, earthly rewards and learn how to do something for God, long term, then to always make excuses and never gain anything, earthly or heavenly. I texted Mark, my brother what I was doing and asked for accountability. I hope the next time I fast, I won't have to ask for it. That my resolve will be sufficient on my own.

The second failure has been this site. Or Point to Ponder. Or Web Wide Church. None of them were ever meant to replace a normal ministry. Rather, I want to use them as a place where people online can be pointed to in their time of need. To get questions answered. To find support. And from there, hopefully find a home church to become a part of. But the great thing is, just from these 700 songs I have, I still get over 1500 page views most months. That's quite a bit for two months of typing, nine years ago. That's a platform (albeit small compared to some online presences) that if I can utilize properly for this purpose, I just may be able to kick off from square 2! Instead of square 1. So in these forty days, I resolve to write something out, every day. Either a brief message/devotional from what I preached to myself that day. Or something touching on my experiences with mental health issues. Often times I imagine they will intermingle in a post. I don't have a plan or schedule, but I have so many ideas, I hope I bring up what is needed on the day it best helps others and glorifies God and what He's done in my life.

Thank you, if you read this. If you came from Facebook I will mention that during these forty days, I will not be using Facebook beyond sharing this. However, if you leave a comment below, I do get an email. And I am sure there are other ways to reach me if you so wish to. Otherwise, I thank you for reading!